How not to date during a pandemic

How not to use a vibrator

My girlfriends got me a vibrator for my birthday. I had enough of having to wait for someone to give me pleasure. I’ve always been a bit nervy about masturbating on my own so I thought a vibrator would ease me in and show me I can have fun in bed on my own.

Wrong.

I can’t get an orgasm or even a small bit of pleasure. Maybe it’s all the antidepressants I’m on that are squashing my libido. But I can’t fully believe it or it would mean half of the UK struggle to orgasm. (I guess plausible with all the forgasms).

We watched a Sex and the city episode where the guy says he doesn’t feel like sex because of being on prozac and it reminded me of my vibrator struggles. 

I think it is more likely that my technique is bad. Not the prozac. So I decided to google “vibrator orgasm” naively thinking I would get some diagram or blog that would guide me on how to use a vibrator effectively. Instead I get loads of x-rated vagina pictures with vibrators. Classic internet being sexist, not helping the female body part achieve orgasms. The world only cares about a male orgasm.

I want and need to learn how to use my vibrator as it is my only friend in lockdown. If anyone can give me tips please contact me ASAP. I mean the true reason I can’t is probably my excessive alcohol consumption and music choice. Mariah Carey a la David Rose. 

I’ll let you know when I get a vibrator orgasm. (Hopefully soon!)